Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
