Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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