i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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