She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
