i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just invented taco cereal.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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