By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
