The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
