is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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