can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
