You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
