I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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