No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
