I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
