Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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