Define "chronic" masturbator.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
did i just pee glitter
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
