Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I've blown a few things in my day
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize