why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
