Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
