My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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