vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
