Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
