Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just want to make out with him forever
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
