Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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