just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
