i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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