i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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