just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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