Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
