so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
