I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
