dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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