It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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