I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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