you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
