I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
