Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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