Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
