So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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