i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
