also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
