I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize