I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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