i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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