so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
His nipple licking is glorious
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