i think i have two assholes
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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