i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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