He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
