You really coming over, don't trick.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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