if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
