highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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