My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
