I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
