apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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