I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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