Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
