Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
