I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
