i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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