I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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