i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
