i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
