I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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