would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
