Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
