I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
