I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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