I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
