Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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