Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
