I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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