i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
