is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
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