just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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