Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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