swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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