I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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