Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
