I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
